30 – When You’re Amazing at Holding Others (But Can’t Be Held Yourself)
When You’re Amazing at Holding Others (But Can’t Be Held Yourself)
If you’ve ever felt like your clients get to receive the kind of care you secretly crave—but you can’t let yourself soften that way—this episode is for you. So many healers carry the unspoken belief that they’re too complicated, too big, too messy to be held. That belief may have protected you once. But now? It’s a block. A tender unraveling awaits—if you’re ready to take responsibility for receiving support.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts:
Today’s Block
The belief that you’re too complex, messy, or self-sufficient to be held.
Listen If…
🔹 You envy your clients’ ability to receive
🔹 You were the emotionally competent one from a young age
🔹 You’re secretly tired of being the strong one
Three Takeaways
1️⃣ The healer identity can hide deep patterns of hyper-independence
2️⃣ Envy is often a clue to our unmet desires
3️⃣ Receiving is a skill—and a choice—you can practice
Today’s Key Action
Take 2% more responsibility for getting the support you crave. Ask. Receive. Begin.
Going Deeper
When You’re Amazing at Holding Others (But Can’t Be Held Yourself)
If you’re the one everyone turns to for support—but secretly feel like no one can really hold you—you’re not alone. Many healers carry a deeply rooted story: I’m too much to be supported. Too messy. Too complex. Too trained in holding space to let myself fall apart.
This story doesn’t always start in adulthood. For many of us, it began in childhood or early adolescence—when we learned that being “put together” earned us approval, connection, and safety. We became kind, competent, sensitive. We became the one who knew what others needed.
But in the process, we forgot how to let ourselves need.
The Hidden Cost of Hyper-Competence
It’s subtle. You may not even notice it at first. You pride yourself on being the one who’s got it together. You show up, attuned, grounded, generous. But somewhere under all of that, there’s a quiet resentment—or even envy.
You see your clients receive your care with such openness, such gratitude. And a part of you aches. Why can’t I let myself be held like that?
It’s not weakness. It’s a sign. That your nervous system, trained for perfection and control, is craving a new way of being.
Why It’s So Hard to Receive
When you’ve built your identity around being the one who helps, being helped can feel like a threat. Vulnerability might not feel safe. You might fear collapsing, being judged, or just being seen in your messiness.
But receiving is not a collapse. It’s a sacred skill. And it’s essential to your wholeness as a healer.
You don’t have to start big. Start with asking for 10 minutes of help. Start with naming your need out loud. Start with hiring someone, or letting a friend drive you home.
Start by admitting that you, too, deserve to be met.
Healing Is a Team Sport
When Inge stopped one-on-one healing work, the old identity of being the perfect helper cracked open. And what came through was something deeper: the decision to take responsibility for being supported.
Not as a sign of weakness—but as a spiritual practice.
Building community, real intimacy, and daily support takes courage. It forces you to unravel the story that you’re only worthy when you’re useful. But on the other side of that unraveling is a life where you get to show up fully. Where others meet you, not your performance.
You don’t have to do this alone anymore.
You never had to.
Where we go this episode
00:00 The Healer’s Journey Begins
02:37 Breaking the Perfectionist Pattern
12:40 The Shift to Community Support
18:23 Embracing Vulnerability and Support
Join the conversation on instagram
The time for do-it-all-on-your-own is over.
Come tell me over on instagram –
What resonated most from today’s episode?
1. I was jealous of how well my clients could receive
2. I became a vault instead of a human
3. My perfectionism was my protection
4. I created a story about being unholdable—and believed it
5. Receiving support changed everything
The time to do it all on our own is over.
This journey isn’t meant to be walked alone.
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